1. I need to spend more time on personal growth issues. I've been six feet tall since I was 16.
2. Everyone tells me to exercise more. My friend wants me to play racquetball. Racquetball is an alright game, if you like being locked up in a room with someone trying to kill you. Ever since I was in high school, running has lost its appeal. Why run when you can drive? I do play golf. They say it's not much exercise when you take a cart but I can tell you this. It's more difficult than you think, particularly when you swing as often as I do.
3. I need a lot of work on being a better husband. My wife would like me to share more, so I started letting her help with the lawn and snow blowing.
4. They say follow your bliss. My bliss is wanting to spend a lot of time on the beach.
5. I'd like to lose some weight. The more I think about it, the hungrier I get.
6. I'd like to write a book. This takes a lot of discipline and a lot of time. The author of the best selling book, "Cold Mountain" took six years off his job to write it, which his wife agreed to. Let's repeat that: Six years off and his wife never bitched at him once.
7. I'd like to take the time to learn more about different religious beliefs. I don't have near enough exposure to what others believe. I'm in particular interested in Right-wing Christian Fundamental Republicanism. You know, the one that starts: In the beginning there was White Man, and it was good. One of the commandments reads: Thou shall not think. Fascinating stuff.
8. I'd love to learn a second language, but I'm having trouble with my first.
9. Becoming a better human being is always high on my list, but before I can pursue this goal, I need to clear up a rumor that my mother was kidnapped by aliens and became pregnant with me, somewhere on the other side of the solar system.
10. I would have made a great psychiatrist, but I'm too sane.

THE REPUBLICAN PARTY: OUR BRIDGE TO THE 11TH CENTURY

1. Common stupidity: You can see these people everywhere. Butchers, bakers, candlestick makers. Common stupidity is as widespread as the common cold, and just as hard to get rid of.

2. Dumber than a box of rocks stupidity: This would be like a blonde, lawyer, politician. Such people are mired in the vastness of stupidity. They think they're smarter than everyone else, but when it comes right down to it, a rock has them by at least 80 points on an intelligence test.

3. When you meet these people you'll stop arguing against abortion. And start arguing for euthanasia. These people number about one out of every ten. For some strange reason, they usually end up in charge of something. These are the people who make capital punishment really hard to argue against.

THEY CALL HIM "W" SO HE CAN SPELL IT.

10. You could talk about sex and not be accused of being a pervert.
9. People were involved with what was going on in the government. Vietnam was stopped by the people, not by the President or Congress. Most of what you see today is people sitting on their butts and whining.
8. We were smart enough to not jail every Tom, Dick, or Mary for drug use.
7. The tackier you dressed, the more "in" you were.
6. The only things we pierced were our ears.
5. Over two tattoos and you were considered a sociopath.
4. Nakedness was not considered an invention of the devil.
3. College was a place to learn about diversity and to be radicalized, not learn about Wall Street and dividends and be right-wingized.
2. People blame the 60's for its permissiveness. Frankly, I thought there were already too many rules. "Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs. Do this, don't do that, can't you read the signs."
1. Sex, drugs and rock and roll. Actually it was more like, beer, buddies, and every now and then we'd get lucky.