* Never argue with grandma. It will take too long and you'll never win.
* Always plant kohlrabi in the garden.
* Never trust management.
* A beer or two or three every now and then helps take the edge off.
* Don't get all excited. Tomorrow will show up just the same.
* A lot of boys with big educations can waste a lot of your time.
* Don't underestimate the value of a carp.
* A good custard rhubarb pie is one of life's finer pleasures.
* Never put the outhouse too close to the well.
* Never overestimate your opponent.
* Don't make hard work out of life.

1. Buy her flowers. Buy her chocolates. Hell, buy her anything,
2. Get out of your sweat-pants and T-shirt, shave, shower and put on some cologne, get into something decent, and make your move. Preferable with your wife.
3. You can always tell her she looks really sexy. Sometimes they fall for it.
4. Cook a nice meal, put on some soft music, candlelight, a good bottle of wine, and look for someone to fool.
5. Do something she doesn't expect you to do, like the dishes, or picking up your unders, or the laundry. Don't include going on a golf trip with the guys on this list.
6. Plan a night out. No hockey, basketball, or fishing show. HOw about the opera, symphony, a play, or suicide.
7. Try to set the night on fire. Of course, not literally. Smoldering mattresses are terrible.
8. Let her handle your remote, but don't try to trick her.
9. Turn the lights down low and do a striptease for her. When you get down to your jockey shorts, don't let her see the sock. Lay a lot of one dollar bills around, but don't expect her to put them all in your shorts.
10. If all else fails, here's a foolproof tip: Take her hand in yours, look her straight in the eyes, and tell her you love her and would not want to be with anyone else on Earth, especially since Anna Nicole died.
Now you could use these tips for same-sex relationships, but you'll obviously have to make a few adjustments.
Any suggestions? I need all the help I can get.

Simplicity goes well with a lot of things. Wisdom and simplicity often walk hand in hand. Simplicity and spirituality have been companions since the beginning. The simple life and sustainability go together like Simon and Garfunkel. Simple living puts you right next to the mystery, the beauty. It makes you appreciate everything you see and hear and touch and have. A simple thing, simplicity, but so very hard to achieve. We are living in a complex time, where there seems to be no room for simplicity. Ends up, simplicity is not such a simple thing. Still, the simpler you live, the better you sleep; the less likely you'll end up taking anxiety meds; the more you'll appreciate life; the more likely you'll be to find "God."
What can you do to simplify your life? Try to keep your answer "simple."

I always thought that being a conservative would be an awful way to lead one's life. Conservatives have alway struck me as people who are not very excited about the possibilities of life. They prefer things as they were. They are hesitant to try new ideas, new pathways, new ways of looking at old problems. They need everything written down in neatly displayed columns. No deviations. No coloring outside of the lines. I have never seen any conservative initiatives that would move things forward. They all go backward, towards "the good old days." I have personally never felt thinking conservatively would allow me to reach my greatest potential, which at a minimum is casting positive doubt on anything done in the name of right-wing ideology. Some alchemists try to change base metals into precious one's. I try to change the status quo into chaos.

ARMAGEDDON IS NOT GOOD FOREIGN POLICY.