FIGHTING FOR PEACE IS LIKE SCREWING FOR VIRGINITY.

* Not all pain is gain.
* Failure: When you best just wasn't good enough.
* For every winner there will be tens of losers. Odds are, you'll be one of them.
* Success-what everyone else is having.
* Every cloud has a silver lining. Ends up it's pollution.
* I think I can. I think I can. Oh, the hell with it.
* Just screw it.
* Second place is the first loser.

* Iraq makes sense to you.
* You think Karl Rove and Dick Cheney are humans.
* You think all artists are gay.
* You're sure Jesus was a capitalist.
* You think corporate welfare is a good replacement for social welfare.
* You're favorite bumper sticker is,"George W. Bush, American Idol."
* You love secrets.
* You're sure suppressing the vote is guaranteed in the Bill of Rights.
* Tax breaks for the rich seems like a reasonable economic plan.
* A balanced budget is less important now that a Republican is President.
* You see health-care as a privilege, not a right.
* Guns seem like a reasonable way to settle a disagreement.
* You think the national religion should be Christianity.
* (Feel free to add your own. The list is endless).

* Suppose your husband was dying,and the only way you could afford the medications he needs to stay alive is to prostitute your body?
* You have a 100% fatal disease, with ten days to live.
* On the one hand, you could ignore your friend stealing $300 from your home. On the other, you could turn him in.
* You find out your son is gay, or your daughter lesbian.
* You know your boss is cheating people, but he pays you well.
* Your son or daughter is using drugs, and you know it.
* You're the boss. Your people are working their butts off for minimum wage. You know they have to supplement their income with state programs.
* There's a beggar on the street that asks you for money. You have plenty.
* The lady at the bank gives you an extra $100 by mistake.
* You're coming down the stretch of a golf tournament. You're one stroke behind. Your ball is one foot out of bounds. Out of bounds is a one stroke penalty. You can't afford a penalty stroke. No one is watching.

We're faced with all kinds of decisions. If life is anything, the one thing it ain't is easy.

I had a dream I died the other night. I hate those kind of dreams. They're creepy. Anyway, this old guy comes driving up in a black Cadillac. He's dressed to the hilt, so I'm figuring he's the devil.
Tammy Faye Bakker is in the back seat. I figure he's getting even with the cosmetic industry. He asks if I want to get in. I say no thanks, I'll walk. He says ok, but it's a long way. I say, so what, I'm dead anyway, I ain't in any big hurry. It felt kind of comforting, getting one-up on the devil.