* Why is it, at golf outings, the scores always seem so much better than the players?
* A lot of people take mulligans. This is when you don't count your first, or second, or third or fourth shots.
* When something is obstructing your swing, technically, you're not suppose to move the ball. But if it happens to move by accident, well, what can you do?
* Part of being a golfer is buying the best, newest equipment. This fools you into thinking that one day you might get better.
* I hate duffing one on the fairway. I never count it.
* My best score ever was an 82, which was within at least 5 or 6 strokes of the truth.
* I usually don't have any trouble with water holes. I skip them.
* I once had a hole-in-one, but my playing partners didn't remember me teeing off.
* I like keeping score. It's a miracle how much an 8 can look like a 4.
* Golf has a lot to do with etiquette. Etiquette apparently has a lot to do with cussing.
* Beer and golf really don't go together. When I drink and play golf, I usually end up getting lost.
* I don't really like to play golf with women. I hate washing my balls in front of them.
* I love golf. Golf has been really good to me. Why, if it weren't for golf, I'd probably be mowing the lawn, which my wife really seems to enjoy.
* On a par 5, they told me I got a birdie. I chose an eagle.
* I like golfing at political fundraisers. Lying is encouraged.
* Golf is a game that builds character. You are in control. You control your own destiny. No one else can be blamed. Well, maybe the damn fool who talked while you were teeing off, but the bottom line is, it's you against you. Are you capable of conquering all the obstacles placed before you with dignity and grace? Can you overcome adversity? Can you lose with honor? Win without boasting? Can you, in the end, explain to your spouse where you've been for the last 5 hours?
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