* Working 60 hours a week at a job you hate.
* Never saying you're sorry.
* Getting married to that special guy who beat you while you were dating.
* Not divorcing him when he beats you again.
* Thinking you can kill terrorism.
* Wanting to look 30 when you're 60.
* Thinking revenge will make you feel better.
* Locking yourself up in the house because you are afraid to live.
* Believing pharmaceuticals will cure our souls.
* Letting everything up to someone else.
* Thinking politicians will police themselves.
* At below sea level and unprotected from storm surges, believing it is a good idea to rebuild New Orleans.
* Believing your way is the only way.

1. There is nothing worse than feeling anonymous.
2. Keep your religion to yourself unless you mean to do something decent with it.
3. Bushworld: For the privileged few.
4. I'm against clowning.
5. The longer I live, the more doubt I have.
6. Buy American while there's still time.
7. It feels so good out, I think I'll leave it out.
8. We have faced the enemy, and he sure looks familiar.
9. Read my lips: We've been Bushwacked.
10.Learn from your parents mistakes-use birth control.
11.Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
12.Want to lead a radically different life? Try thinking.

1. Never sunbath in the nude. You might forget to turn the other cheek.
2. Do not look at another man's ox, or his ass. Looking at his wife is considered reasonable.
3. Do not expect something for nothing. Do not lie, steal, cheat, or double-talk. This includes lawyers, politicians, and used car salesmen.
4. Do not join a country club. It's not nice trying to fool God into believing there's only white people.
5. Do not think that you are better than any other person. To do so may cause you to spontaneously combust.
6. Do not change your sex. To do so is confusing, for everyone.
7. Do not idolize other God's. God hates cheap imitations.
8. Go to church on Sunday and do not work. Remember, golf does not count as work, but can count for church. Just remember to pray for that putt to go in.
9. Do not believe anything Moses said. He was head of the NRA.
10.Finally, never, ever, question the Peevers words. I've been to the promised land. Well, maybe it was just Cancun, but still...

1. That's not covered by your policy.
2. Hello, this is the IRS.
3. This is for your own good.
4. Relax, this won't hurt a bit.
5. I've never seen that happen before.
6. I'm afraid we can't help you.
7. Can you believe it?
8. It won't cost that much.
9. I have just what you need.
10.Get your hands up, face the wall, and spread 'em.
11.How was I suppose to know?
12.Here's the deal.

* Fools often fall in love. Unfortunately, they reproduce.
* The best things in life are free. Of course, so are the worst.
* Sure you think you're right, but I know the truth.
* Politicians waste a lot of time wasting our money.
* If you have a kid acting up, run away from home.
* If you're on a low-fat, low-cholesterol diet, kiss your taste buds goodbye.
* Helping someone reach their potential, only to have them take your job, is not going to make you feel any better.
* Imagine you had everything you ever wanted. You'd still want more.
* If you claim to be a Christian and approve of the death penalty, find a new hobby.
* Getting married before age 25 can cause premature loss of youth.
* Don't become a parent until you understand the trauma you can cause.
* Guns don't kill people. The loss of blood does.
* Given the laws of probability, surely not every dummy is a lawyer.